First Day

The day I got married I was ready to be a Mom. We decided we would do nothing to prevent our first child from coming into our home, and four months later I was pregnant and so very excited! I don't know if any other pregnancy will be quite like the first one. everything so new and being experienced for the first time. I was thrilled to have a little boy and Nate seemed like the perfect name. That pure and perfect love that you have for that newborn is un-describable. Of course as time goes by that love changes. That once perfect little babe start's to talk back, starts to test your patience, and can frustrate you like no other. There are moments where you feel like you may not even like this little monster thats taken over your precious little angel. Do these feeling make you love your little child any less? I think they make you love them even more. You realize the potential that your child has and just yearn for them to be happy and successful, and you probably make it your life mission, to have this little person become the very best that they can be.

Nate has always been a special child. So loving, smart, funny, helpful...the list goes on. But he has definitely tested my patience. He is very sensitive, emotional and cautious (I never wanted to label him as shy, I thought cautious was a better, more positive name to call it) These things that I'm definitely not. Its been a battle for me to accept that, and let him do things the way he needs to. I'm still learning. But it also makes me feel the need to protect him and watch out for him more then my other two. I'm always worried he won't speak up, that he'll get pushed aside and forgotten. My heart just ache's with worry that he's scared or sad when he's away from me and I can't comfort him. Well, yesterday I had to do the ultimate and completely let go (in a sense). Yesterday he started Kindergarten.

I was very excited for this day but very terrified at the same time. Is he ready? Can he really do this all by himself? Will he speak up for himself? Let these people see who he really is and not shy away from new experiences? I've been preparing him for awhile. He was very excited all morning, and up until we walked in the door of the Kindergarten. As soon as we walked in I could see the terror in his eyes, and he just looked up at me, and my heart dropped. Oh no I thought. This is going to be painful. Miss Pati came over and greeted him and helped him find his picture showing him where he would hang is jacket and backpack. Then told him to say goodbye to his Mom (Me). He turned around and his little arms went around my waist and would not let go. He started to cry. My heart melted. But I did what I had to do. I said, You'll be just fine, I'll see you in a couple of hours, pried his hands from around me, and bolted up the steps and out the door before I could change my mind and rescue him and take him home where he is safe and loved. As I was leaving I heard one last tortured MOMMY. Really one of the hardest things a parent has to do. I prayed the whole way home that all would work out, and he would calm down and have a fun day. Well, my prayer was answered. He survived, had a good time, and is even talking about going back. I guess this will be a challenge for both of us. I know that he has to experience this to grow up. It will be hard, he will have challenges, but he'll be better for it. And he'll blossom into something even I never knew he could.

Nate, I love you so, so much. I'm so proud of you for being brave on your first day! Isn't he so handsome!